I parked in my usual spot, along the dirt road in front of the field I had become accustomed to hunting in. after about 20 minutes, I had very little to show for my efforts. About 7g dried equivalent, but one was a fat light coloured mutant that turned dark blue immediately after picking. “This one's for me,” I thought. Then I heard the hounds.

I was in the back of the field, about 300yds from the road where a pickup was pulled over next to my car. “Oh Shit, they're going to sick the hounds on me.” I didn't think they had seen me, and quickly made my way parallel to the road until I was following a fence that was hidden from sight. I sprinted for a few seconds, not sure where I was going, then decided to cross the barbed wire fence back toward the car. I could hear the hounds barking.

I moved fast, following a ravine. It didn't sound like the hounds were getting any closer, so I slowed down and started thinking what I would do next. I was five miles from the highway, and I didn't want my car towed away. I made my way back to a nearby dirt road and followed it back in the direction of where I was parked. I stashed my mushrooms at the intersection of two dirt roads. I walked around the turn in the road and there in front of me was the sheriff of Lee county, facing me with his dick in his hand pissing in the middle of the road.

Obviously I startled him and he jumped to the side still whizzing away, stream of urine flying all over the place. I managed not to laugh, said hi, etc. Then I saw “the hounds”, it was one little dog that wasn't much bigger than my shoe.

The cop asked for my ID, which was in my car. I got it for him, he called it in looking for warrants. I looked in the back of his truck. He was out posting his own re-election signs. He asked if he could have a look in my car, and I replied “no”. “Why not?” “I don't want you to look in my car.” This exchange went on for a couple of minutes, until he was certain I was hiding something. He then threatened to get call the Judge to get a warrant. Figuring this was a town with a population of maybe 200, the Judge was probably a close relative of the corn fed, inbred, brain dead pig. So I said go ahead, search it. (editor's note: it is never to your advantage to aquiesce to a search of your property. Never.)

He spent most of an hour searching a two seated sportscar. Some of the conversation we had while he was having a thorough look my belongings was “what do you do for a living?” “I'm a mechanic.” hoping to make myself sound as small town as possible. “Diesel?” he asked with interest. Obviously he had been a diesel mechanic at some point in his life and I considered answering yes just to make it sound like we had something in common. “No sir, bicycle.” He wasn't impressed.

Looking through my car, he naturally discovered a large number of empty beer bottles “You sure do drink alot!?” Hmm, is this a trick question? I started to loose it at this point and bit my tongue “yessir, I sure do” He wasn't amused. I was quite annoyed at times with how long the search was taking, and with the fact that I was having my constitutional rights trampled on (and I was a little nervous that he would eventually find a five year old pot seed). He interpreted this as my being nervous about having drugs found in my car, and proceeded to look further.

When questioned on my “nervousness”, I wanted to scream that I was pissed about him violating my rights, but knew that would lead to me being beaten to death with a phonebook in a jail cell He eventually let me go, telling me I must have had my drugs hidden very well, and next time he would find them, etc., but not before stealing my radar detector.

He told me he knew my car had been there yesterday, and I replied “No sir, yesterday I was in Houston” It was two days before that I had left my car there and found an ounce of dried shrooms, which my brother and his friends had eaten without my permission. If they hadn't eaten them , the shrooms would have been in my car. I never stopped to pick up my fat light coloured dark blueing friend, but did amuse myself on the way home by exclaiming in a pitched voice “Diesel!?”